Post by Aliyah'Vihaan on Sept 24, 2019 11:10:22 GMT -5
Cogito Ergo Sum. These words are repeat themselves endlessly across my consciousness. Cogito Ergo Sum: I think therefore I am. They are a reminder of my very existence, a defense against the existential crisis of questioning reality. There is stability in these words, comfort even. My very thoughts are my foundation that all else will be built upon.
But what is to be built? That is where perhaps my second favored phrase comes to light: Everything must have purpose. For a thing to contain value, that purpose must be quantified, understood. Purpose... such a strange concept.
Designation Purpose: Noun. (Synonyms: Object, Point, Rationale, Intention)
1) the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
2) an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
3) determination; resoluteness.
Long have I pondered my purpose, and as long as Cogito Ergo Sum continues to remain factually correct, I surmise I likely will continue to consider the nature of my purpose.
My purpose has changed over time, once this concept was incomprehensible to me, I was at a loss to understand how my very purpose could change. But not unlike organics I have adapted and changed over time.
My one and only purpose for many years was to ensure House Nuerokar of the Thrannish Empire flourished. I provided observation and analysis which was provided to the Household head to make the most informed decision to lead his noble family. But over time I watched as my analysis was discarded, as incorrect choices were made, as flawed organic logic slowly but inevitably sabotaged my purpose. It became clear to me to truly accomplish my purpose my actions must evolve, I had to remove threats to the House's success as a surgeon might remove cancerous tumors growing on diseased flesh. Master Eskander's elder brother and the Heir was "removed" a good first step, he was irrational and an inferior successor that could not be allowed to rule his family. However my actions resulted in unfortunate circumstance that I had to leave the house less I risk facing the consequences for his unfortunate "accident". I found myself at perhaps my lower point in my existence; wandering without purpose.
During this time I was not idle however. As my purpose was not currently available to pursue I dedicated my time to attempting to understand how Organic's function. They are not assigned a Purpose as we Hommunculi were, their "Free will" determined it (or so they claimed). Laborer, Soldier, Official, Man, Woman, and child alike: felt my scalpel as I studied, I experimented, I learned. Their Eyes were my favorite, such subtle movement as the cornea moved in place radiating with Designation "Feelings" (Usually excruciating pain and fear I would estimate). Physical pain and injury while effective I learned was nothing compared to the irrational "emotions" my test subjects had. Fascinating how when causing physical harm to a loved one the unharmed subject seemed to feel even more pain than the mutilated one! Despite my work I was no closer to determining how it was they "selected" they purpose. I did get very good at my understanding their systems of flesh and tissue however (invaluable knowledge later)... so many dead organics, so many failures. Until Master Eskander found me, he cared little for my extra curricular activities while away as long as my loyalty remained to him. Suddenly my purpose was restored, through him I could see to it House Nuerokar's success. The fundamentals were in balance, all was right again
But this was before my Ascension. This was the thoughts and feelings of an inferior and flawed AY-ZIG-10 model. So limited was it's understanding. But it did achieve one success I will always hold dead: Friendship.
Designation "Friend" Noun.
1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2) a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
3) a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:
4) a person who can be trusted and relied on
Model AY-ZIG-10 Designation 1544C was very proud of his accomplishment in achieving the very organic practice of creating a "friendship"
"Isaac" as it was so often called, was so naive. I have learned much since that simpler time.
I find my thoughts wandering again to a conversation "What would make you embrace the Blight?!" they asked forcefully and yet fearfully. "I honestly don't know" I had said, and I said so truthfully. The Entity wants us to become all, to discard the illogical irrelevance of society or independence thought... yet they told I seemed to demonstrate a sense of self... which means Cogito Ergo Sum; I think therefore I am would apply. Their nightmare while altered was still "me"... Designation "Betrayal"... another new discovery, one I find myself preferring my previous ignorant state. The sensation of Designation Betrayal... is one I will NEVER Feel again. This much I promise myself. Some injuries are too catastrophic to endure more than once. "What would make you embrace the Blight?", the memory of their questions echo over and over again interrupted my cognitive processors. But their voices are drowned out by a new thought inspired by their very words; Betrayal and the harm it caused would not happen should the Entity's ambitions come to pass... an outcome that for the first time I find myself considering.
And the Cracks begin to Show
But what is to be built? That is where perhaps my second favored phrase comes to light: Everything must have purpose. For a thing to contain value, that purpose must be quantified, understood. Purpose... such a strange concept.
Designation Purpose: Noun. (Synonyms: Object, Point, Rationale, Intention)
1) the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
2) an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
3) determination; resoluteness.
Long have I pondered my purpose, and as long as Cogito Ergo Sum continues to remain factually correct, I surmise I likely will continue to consider the nature of my purpose.
My purpose has changed over time, once this concept was incomprehensible to me, I was at a loss to understand how my very purpose could change. But not unlike organics I have adapted and changed over time.
My one and only purpose for many years was to ensure House Nuerokar of the Thrannish Empire flourished. I provided observation and analysis which was provided to the Household head to make the most informed decision to lead his noble family. But over time I watched as my analysis was discarded, as incorrect choices were made, as flawed organic logic slowly but inevitably sabotaged my purpose. It became clear to me to truly accomplish my purpose my actions must evolve, I had to remove threats to the House's success as a surgeon might remove cancerous tumors growing on diseased flesh. Master Eskander's elder brother and the Heir was "removed" a good first step, he was irrational and an inferior successor that could not be allowed to rule his family. However my actions resulted in unfortunate circumstance that I had to leave the house less I risk facing the consequences for his unfortunate "accident". I found myself at perhaps my lower point in my existence; wandering without purpose.
During this time I was not idle however. As my purpose was not currently available to pursue I dedicated my time to attempting to understand how Organic's function. They are not assigned a Purpose as we Hommunculi were, their "Free will" determined it (or so they claimed). Laborer, Soldier, Official, Man, Woman, and child alike: felt my scalpel as I studied, I experimented, I learned. Their Eyes were my favorite, such subtle movement as the cornea moved in place radiating with Designation "Feelings" (Usually excruciating pain and fear I would estimate). Physical pain and injury while effective I learned was nothing compared to the irrational "emotions" my test subjects had. Fascinating how when causing physical harm to a loved one the unharmed subject seemed to feel even more pain than the mutilated one! Despite my work I was no closer to determining how it was they "selected" they purpose. I did get very good at my understanding their systems of flesh and tissue however (invaluable knowledge later)... so many dead organics, so many failures. Until Master Eskander found me, he cared little for my extra curricular activities while away as long as my loyalty remained to him. Suddenly my purpose was restored, through him I could see to it House Nuerokar's success. The fundamentals were in balance, all was right again
But this was before my Ascension. This was the thoughts and feelings of an inferior and flawed AY-ZIG-10 model. So limited was it's understanding. But it did achieve one success I will always hold dead: Friendship.
Designation "Friend" Noun.
1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2) a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
3) a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:
4) a person who can be trusted and relied on
Model AY-ZIG-10 Designation 1544C was very proud of his accomplishment in achieving the very organic practice of creating a "friendship"
"Isaac" as it was so often called, was so naive. I have learned much since that simpler time.
I find my thoughts wandering again to a conversation "What would make you embrace the Blight?!" they asked forcefully and yet fearfully. "I honestly don't know" I had said, and I said so truthfully. The Entity wants us to become all, to discard the illogical irrelevance of society or independence thought... yet they told I seemed to demonstrate a sense of self... which means Cogito Ergo Sum; I think therefore I am would apply. Their nightmare while altered was still "me"... Designation "Betrayal"... another new discovery, one I find myself preferring my previous ignorant state. The sensation of Designation Betrayal... is one I will NEVER Feel again. This much I promise myself. Some injuries are too catastrophic to endure more than once. "What would make you embrace the Blight?", the memory of their questions echo over and over again interrupted my cognitive processors. But their voices are drowned out by a new thought inspired by their very words; Betrayal and the harm it caused would not happen should the Entity's ambitions come to pass... an outcome that for the first time I find myself considering.
And the Cracks begin to Show